a beginning

Why in the world am I starting another blog when I can't seem to keep up with the ones I already have? A few reasons. . .one is personal, family type and the other is for books and things and this one is because, well, mainly because I'm feeling a little lost and I'm looking for some grounding. I don't know where I fit into this world any more. I'm not working so I don't have that outlet or co-workers, we have a church we belong to but it's really small and for some reason or other don't really have "close" friends there, my main world is my family and while I love them dearly and truly love being around them and spending time with them, something just seems to be missing--my life consists of mainly talking to a six year old all day, visiting with my husband and teenaged daughter a little in the evenings, and taking care of a 4 month old who loves to eat. During the time we sit while the little one eats I look around the house and think about everything that needs to be done and everything that I would like to do and feel like I need some type of "mission" in life. You know, like Amelia Earhart or Julia Child! We've watched those movies recently and each of those ladies kind of grew into her dreams--of course, one ended in death but she always said that she would prefer a "watery death" over the ocean while doing what she loved! So that's made me think what do I want to DO in my life? This thought always takes me back to high school and one of our chapel sessions with our pastor, Pastor Charles Wood. I loved hearing our pastor preach--especially when he was our chapel speaker--we never knew what to expect. One chapel time he asked a question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" He then had some kids from one of the elementary classes come in and say what they wanted to be--policeman, nurse, teacher, fireman, etc. When all the little kids left, pastor proceeded to tell us that all of the kids had said what they wanted to DO not what they wanted to BE. To BE had more of the idea of character and attitudes not occupation. So now I'm thinking what do I want to DO, what do I want to BE? And there's so many things I want to do and be that it all seems overwhelming! There are things I know I should be--a good wife, a patient mom, a perseverant homeschooler, a tidy housekeeper--but there's so much more that I WANT to be and do. I feel like the creative side of me gets lost in all of the duty things that need to be done. I feel like my house will never be clean again after "taking it easy" for the pregnancy of the little one--I'm still trying to catch up 4 months later; we're always off track with school things because frequently we're needed to do other things for my husband & daughter--good thing Eddy is so far ahead--we'd have to be busy for years for him to get behind; and life with a little one on a two hour eating schedule is a challenge--she is sitting beside me semi-patiently waiting to eat again! Somewhere we are going to have to find a balance because there are other things that need doing--sewing for a cute little girl, alterations for a teen girl, quilts for beds, gardening, and oh so much more!

Well, it is way past time to be done with this post but at least it's started and out there and I'm on my way. Since there is no time for proof-reading, today I will not be an English teacher!